Madsen Bikes

These are pretty cool utility/functional bikes!

Trent Reznor: 'So you want to make money on the Web'

Trent Reznor: 'So you want to make money on the Web': "In a post that could easily explain the emerging open-source software business model, Nine Inch Nails lead details how to make money in music."

(Via Clippings.)

Gever Tulley on 5 dangerous things for kids

My wife sent me this link earlier today and I can't begin to tell you how much I recalled from my childhood.

I hate to give too much away but I remember getting my first pocket knife and how empowering it felt. I carry a knife with me and use it at least a half dozen times. I break them somewhat regularly because they get so much use.

The other one that really hit home was taking an old appliance apart. I think I first started disassembling things at home when I was about three. I discovered my dad's tools, namely a Philip's screwdriver and promptly disassembled the neat little school desk I had. I didn't quite get the idea of putting things back together at that point but I did soon enough. My 2 year old daughter, if you ask her what I do, she knows that I 'fix stuff.'

There are lots of other good bits in the video and TED is a really neat and inspiring organization so that's worth a look too.

Have a great weekend!

Force links to open in new tabs in Safari

Force links to open in new tabs in Safari: "One of the reasons I like Firefox is that it has a built-in setting (in the Tabs section of its preferences) to force links that want to open new windows to instead open in new tabs. I really hate 'window proliferation' while browsing, and this setting makes it such that links which try to force a new window to open--such as the links on our own Mac OS X Hints Pick of the Week page--open in a new tab instead."

(Via Computerworld Breaking News.)

In Depth: 18 great forgotten features of OS X

Good reminder of cool things you can do with OS X out of the box...

In Depth: 18 great forgotten features of OS X: "

OS X is a superb operating system.

But its simplicity belies its depth; there are plenty of excellent features under the surface.

We've covered everything from using voice control to using Terminal to fine-control the configuration of your system and automating your common tasks.

Check these - and other great features - out below.

1. Sort out your user accounts

A computer can be an expensive and potentially space-filling device. Most households are only likely to have one Mac, but if you don't want everyone knowing what you've been up to, or someone else would like their privacy, or just simply, you like your Mac to run in the way you like it (with the Desktop you want and the settings you like) then User Accounts is a great feature.

You can create ordinary accounts as well as administrator accounts that have the rights to make big changes to your Mac and install software for everyone. To create more than one account, go into System Preferences, pick Accounts and create a new account in the same way you did when you first set up your Mac. It's also a good idea to switch off automatic login at this point, to avoid anyone using the default account and so they don't have to keep logging out as soon as you start up your Mac.

2. Activate your Keychain

Keychain saves you having to remember passwords, while keeping all your data secure. Available through most programs that access the net, including Mail and Safari, whenever you type in a password, you can save it in your keychain. When you return to that site, want to use the email server again or need to decrypt something, the keychain provides the password – providing you've authorised it – meaning you won't have to type it in.

Keychain Access in Utilities allows you to edit your keychain, find out what a particular password is and specify your security settings as you wish. You can also set the keychain to lock after five minutes of inactivity by using Edit > Change settings for keychain login.

3. Invoke your Dashboard

A simple press of F12 or a click of Dashboard in the Dock or the Applications folder will reveal the exciting world of widgets. These are handy little applications that give you access to things like weather forecasts, your calendar, and your Address Book without the hassle of having to launch the bigger applications like iCal.

PRESS F12: Dashboard has thousands of useful applications available with just the touch of a button

But, on top of these, there are also thousands of widgets that you can download for free, which perform an incredible range of tasks including games, file converters, webcam viewers, flight updates and lots more. And Dashboard also comes with a built-in widget manager to make sure things don't get too cluttered.

4. Enter the Time Machine

Making sure you have a backup of all your important data is vital. And that's not just your emails – don't forget all those purchases from the iTunes Store, your iPhoto library and every document you've got in your Documents folder. But remembering to do it is another matter. Time Machine is designed to make backing up and recovering your files easy.

Just plug a hard drive into your Mac and it'll ask if you want to use the hard drive for backing up files. Leave it on overnight and your Mac will save virtually every file it has onto the hard drive. Then, every hour afterwards, it'll scan to see if you've changed any files and if you have, it'll save those as well, without deleting the other copies it's already made.

Then, if you need to recover any of the previous versions of the file, just click Time Machine in the Dock or the Applications folder and locate the file you need – Time Machine will do the rest.

5. Get smart with Parental Controls

Once you've set up a separate account for your kids, you can – if you want – decide what they can use on the computer and how they use it via the Parental Controls (available from System Preferences) settings for their account. This can make it easier for your child to use your Mac, by giving them a simpler Finder to use.

But if you're worried about what they're using it for, you can restrict access to particular applications as well as websites in Safari; hide the swear words in the OS X Dictionary; limit who they can chat with and who they can email; limit how much time they spend on the Mac and when they're allowed to go on it; and keep logs of what they've been browsing, what they've been using and who they've been chatting to.

6. Automate your tasks

Automator lurks in the Applications folder and, as its name suggests, is designed to automate regular tasks. It's a bit like sticking bits of Lego together: want to grab everything on your Desktop that isn't a folder, move it to another folder, hide the Dock, then start playing a track in iTunes?

Then you can stick together all the parts of the process from the library of Automator functions – many applications now come with their own Automator actions as well – save the completed action and then every time you double-click or run it from a contextual menu or menu, your Mac will repeat that Lego collection.

7. Sync between Macs

MobileMe is Apple's 'in the cloud' system for storing information and syncing it between computers. Available almost everywhere on your Mac but configured primarily in the MobileMe pane in System Preferences, MobileMe provides users with gigabytes of online storage for sharing files.

Other features include an email account, software for backing up files to the internet or another medium such as a DVD, as well as a way to keep your contacts, calendar, keychain items and other information in sync. Programs such as Transmit and Microsoft Entourage can use MobileMe to sync their own information, too.

8. Run OS X and Windows

If you have an Intel-based Mac, Boot Camp gives you the chance to experience both OS X and Windows on the same machine. When you run it (find it in the Utilities folder) it'll split your Mac's hard drive into two separate chunks: one for Mac OS X, the other for Windows (this can be either Vista or XP SP2).

Then, providing you have a full installer CD or DVD, you'll be able to boot off the installer, install Windows on the chunk of the hard drive you've set aside, and also be able to choose which one you want to use whenever you start up – just by holding down the Option key. If you ever decide you don't want to use Windows any more, you can use Boot Camp to delete it off your Mac and restore the hard drive so that OS X can occupy all of it again.

9. Encrypt your Home folder

Although you can password-protect your Mac to stop people gaining access to your documents, if it is ever stolen, they can still take your hard drive out and read the data.

FileVault, accessible through Security > FileVault in System Preferences, encrypts everything in your home folder so that if your Mac is ever stolen, the thief won't been able to read the data. It will be seamless, so you won't notice it working. If you're worried about passwords getting lost, set a password for FileVault that will unlock any FileVault account on your Mac.

10. Securing your Mac

Keeping your Mac secure against sneaky thieves can be very easy, thanks to OS X's built-in functions, such as FileVault and Keychain – although you're going to have to decide how much inconvenience you feel like putting yourself through.

There are some features of the Security pane in System Preferences that are no-brainers if you're worried about people playing with your Mac's settings while you're away, as long as you don't mind having to enter passwords now and again. Requiring a password to wake a computer from sleep or a screensaver should always be your first move.

Anyone can press Cmd + CTRL and the power key to restart your Mac instantly, so if you disable automatic login this will prevent them getting in that way. Another option you could consider is Use secure virtual memory. This is probably for the more paranoid but is worth considering if you are worried about security. There are many security settings on your Mac, although some will make you work harder than others.

11. Turn Sharing on

Your Mac is a pretty powerful machine, and there might be a whole range of things you want to share with others, such as your files, any printers you've connected to it or even its net connection. The System Preferences > Sharing pane lets you share many functions of your Mac – both with Macs and Windows PCs.

NETWORKING: You can turn your Mac into a wireless router so that you have a network wherever you go

The most popular option is File Sharing, which lets you share either your whole Mac or just folders on it. If you click on the Options button, you can choose whether to share files using AFP (other Macs), FTP (anyone with a special FTP program) or SMB (Windows and Linux). Your Mac will then appear in the Finder sidebar of any other Mac on the network.

But it also gives you some remote control functions, allowing you to connect to it over a network and take charge of it. If you know UNIX, you can use Terminal to access your Mac and issue it commands by activating the Remote Login function; you can also allow other Macs to take over and control your Mac (but only if they have an account) using the Screen Sharing function.

If you have a MacBook Air and didn't buy the optional plugin DVD player, you can still access DVDs over a network by sharing another Mac's DVD drive using DVD or CD Sharing. And if you feel like it, you can turn your Mac into a web server as well with Web Sharing.

12. Create an AirPort network

If you want to link two computers together but you don't have any cables to hand (or there's no available WiFi network nearby), you can make your own network instead. All you have to do is simply go to the AirPort menu bar item, click Create Network…, accept the default settings and click OK.

Once this has been done, any other WiFi-equipped computer will be able to see your Mac's network. They can then join it and you will be able to use it as you would on any other network for sharing files, printers and so on.

13. Use Back To My Mac

If you did buy a MobileMe subscription and the gods of computer are looking favourably upon you, Back To My Mac will allow you to connect from any other Leopard-equipped Mac back to your home Mac (providing you've left it switched on).

You'll need to start it in the Back to My Mac tab of the MobileMe pane in System Preferences first, and then configure the Mac you're on with your MobileMe account details. But once you do, and if everything's going according to plan, you should be able to see your Mac appear in the list of devices in Finder's sidebars. You will now be able to grab files from it or take it over making it do whatever you want.

14. See all the keyboard shortcuts

Locate the Keyboard & Mouse pane in System Preferences, select the Keyboard Shortcuts tab and you'll see a list of all the existing shortcuts. Double-click on a shortcut to change it or click on the checkbox next to it to deactivate it. You can add new shortcuts by clicking on + in the window, selecting an application and then choosing the menu command you want to add a shortcut to.

15. Use Universal Access

If you have a disability, Universal Access, which can be found in System Preferences, will make your Mac easier to use. As well as providing access to VoiceOver (also in the Utilities folder and reads out the Mac's screen contents for those who have trouble seeing the Mac's display), it also makes the Mac's screen easier to read by changing the contrast.

It can also make the keyboard and mouse easier to use, if you have trouble with them. If you're deaf or work in an environment where constant beeps would be irritating, then you can use the Hearing tab to make the screen flash whenever there's an alert.

16. Get smart with your regional options

Although you may not need to run any of your applications in a foreign language, the International pane in System Preferences still has some useful functions. Formats lets you tell your Mac what languages you'd prefer to use. If you want to add British English, note that it isn't on the list so you'll need to click on the Edit List button to add it. You can then drag it to the top of the list.

By default, OS X's built-in spelling and grammar checker uses these preferences so changing this will ensure your spelling remains on the right side of the Atlantic. The Input Menu tab also provides a way to help those who haven't yet mastered all the key presses on their keyboard.

As well as giving you a way to switch between the keyboards for different languages, the available layouts include a Character Palette for embedding rare characters in documents and a keyboard viewer for seeing what happens when you click a particular key.

17. Use Terminal

Housed underneath OS X is the power of Unix. If you know your 'awk' from your 'grep', you can use Terminal in the Utilities folder to take charge of what's under the Mac's bonnet.

18. Activate voice control

Amazing though it may seem, it is possible to control your Mac just using your voice alone. The Speech System Preferences pane will enable you to activate this feature. Then, depending on how you've set things up, you can give your Mac orders, just by pressing a key to let it know you're talking to it.

The orders you can issue out are called Speakable Items and you can see a list of them by clicking on the Commands tab, then clicking on the Open Speakable Items folder.

However, do bear in mind that your Mac can't work miracles, so you will need to train it to recognise your voice. It'll also help to use a microphone if you want the best results.

Once you've got Speech working the way you want it to, you will be able to expand it to include even more sophisticated controls to help you out. If you wish, you can enable the Front Window and Menu Bar command sets so you can trigger menu options using your voice.

Related Stories

• Ubuntu 9.04
• In Depth: 12 hot (and free) apps to power up Windows 7
• Creeping Unix featurism
• In Depth: Why Ubuntu has become the flag bearer for Linux

"

(Via Clippings.)

In Depth: 10 stress-busting tips for managing Outlook email

In Depth: 10 stress-busting tips for managing Outlook email: "

Dealing with emails can be difficult. If your inbox is overflowing, you can easily miss important messages, while responding to lower-priority mail can become a time sink that you could do without.

Taming the stream of incoming mail and reducing the amount of time you spend dealing with it is essential if you're to remain productive. These tips should help you keep on top of your mail, and most work with all versions of Outlook.

1. Get rid of clutter

Avoid using the inbox to store all of your emails. It makes finding specific emails difficult without using a search tool, and important mail can easily be overlooked. Instead, set up some subfolders to sort and store email. Make a folder called Action to temporarily house mails that require you to carry out a task. The folder then becomes a kind of to-do list, and you can remove emails from it as you deal with them.

2. Filing folders

Sometimes an email comes in that requires some action from you, but you have to wait for someone else to provide more information or another response before you can do anything. Create a folder called 'Waiting for' to hold these messages. All other emails will generally be useful for information or archive purposes.

Put these messages into a general storage folder that you can then subdivide into subjects, clients or whatever system works best for you. Your inbox will then only contain mail that has just arrived and hasn't yet been sorted.

The aim is to always have no mail in your inbox because everything has been dealt with or filed. This is known as 'Inbox Zero' in geek circles. You won't always achieve it, but it's a great feeling when you do.

3. Use categories

Inevitably there will be emails that fall under a range of subjects. In Outlook 2007 you can use categories to tag these with their different groupings. To create a new colour category, click the 'Categorise' button on the toolbar followed by 'All Categories' and 'New'.

Now enter the name of the category you want to create and select its colour. You can assign more than one category to each email.

4. Show categories

You can show the Categories column in Outlook 2007 by choosing 'View | Current View | Customise Current View | Fields'. Now select 'Categories' followed by 'Add'. You should be able to see the categories that each email is assigned to by the colour shown in this column.

5. Flag emails

To quickly draw attention to an email, add a flag. In a message list, right-click the email that you want to flag, choose 'Follow Up' and select a flag. You can flag an open email by choosing 'Message | Options | Follow Up' and picking a flag.

When you've dealt with the flagged message, remove the flag by right-clicking on it in the message list and choosing 'Clear flag'.

6. Flag reminders

When adding flags, you can set general reminders for taking action (today, tomorrow, within the week), but you can also set specific dates and times for your reminder to appear. Select a flagged item and choose 'Follow Up' on the toolbar to open the Follow Up menu. Alternatively, select 'Follow Up' from the right-click menu if using an earlier version of Outlook. Click 'Add Reminder' and then enter the date and time you require.

7. Automate your filing

Some emails can be filed without you needing to read them first. For example, marketing information and mailing lists are fairly easy to identify as they arrive. Ideally you want to find this stuff when you have time to read it and not be distracted by it as it arrives.

To avoid this, set up a folder for these messages and create a message rule that will automatically move them into this folder as they arrive in your inbox.

8. Sender rules

You can create a rule based on a message that has already arrived. Right-click the message that you want to use, choose 'Create Rule' and opt to base it on the sender of the message. Tick 'Move the item to folder', select the folder that you want and complete the wizard.

9. Create templates

Rules can take a while to set up and perfect. Save some time by copying similar rules to use as templates. Select 'Tools | Rules and Alerts', highlight the rule that you want to copy, click 'Copy', choose the inbox and click 'OK'. You can now make any changes that you want.

10. Search today's mail

Creating a Search Folder is an exellent way to quickly search today's mail. Choose 'File | New | Search Folder', select 'Create a custom search folder' and click 'Choose'. Call the folder 'Today's mail' and click 'Criteria'. Under the Messages tab, select 'received' and 'today' on the Time dropdown menu before clicking OK.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Related Stories

• Nero BackItUp & Burn
• Wolfram Alpha
• In Depth: 15 must-read tutorials for Photoshop users
• In Depth: 10 essential Outlook productivity boosters

"

(Via Clippings.)

Sites that help you lodge complaints

Sites that help you lodge complaints: "If you've been wronged or you're just not happy with the way you were treated, there are some sites on the Web that will help you get your voice heard."

(Via Clippings.)

iPhone for Newbies: Ringtones, double contacts, periods, and AppleCare

iPhone for Newbies: Ringtones, double contacts, periods, and AppleCare: "

Filed under: iPhone 101

I just bought my first iPhone, a 32 GB iPhone 3G S, and found that that there is an abundance of information out there covering just about every aspect of its use. As an iPhone virgin, most of this is new to me, but I'm sure it's old hat to most.

Apple, however, is set to sell over half a million new iPhones this weekend, so I'm sure there are a lot of virgins in my position. This post and maybe some to follow are not meant for anyone who is fluent in iPhone, but rather for newbies like me. So, skip this if you've been at the party for awhile, but if you just ripped open your iPhone box, read on:

Ringtones
I tried making a ringtone from iTunes, but when right clicking on a song and choosing 'create ringtone' I found that only songs purchased from the iTunes store could be used, at least in iTunes 8.2. In reality you can make a ringtone from any MP3. You can find the easy steps here.

Double Contacts and Calendar Entries
After setting up Mobileme and syncing my phone the first time, I found that all my contacts and calendar entries had been duplicated so that there were two identical entries of everything. Our own Chris Rawson set me straight on fixing this. If you disable calendar and contact syncing from the iPhone, all the information brought in from Mobileme will vanish. Next, re-enable them and you will be asked if you want to merge the contact and calendar information of what's on the iPhone which was brought in by iTunes. You do. And in doing so, the problem will vanish. This tip is not just for iPhone 3G S owners, it's also happened to previous iPhone users who updated to system 3.0.

Period Space Bar Trick
When writing an email, typing the period key on my iPhone 3G S often does weird things like jumping down a line or two, slowing me down to a crawl. Chris Rawson also came to my aid by telling me that when you reach the end of a sentence, double tapping the space bar displays a period. This is much quicker for me, and my typing is cleaner. I'm not sure about earlier iPhones but for the iPhone 3G S, this must be set up. Go to settings-> general->keyboard and turn on the '.' shortcut.

Applecare
There is no need to pay Apple $69 for Applecare. I've been buying Applecare from eBay at a decent savings for years. Often you don't get a full box, just a paper with the registration code, but I've never had a problem. Right now you can get Applecare for $42 including shipping.

What have you found? If you have a problem or question and are too bashful to ask: ask here and we'll put our hive-mind right on it.

TUAWiPhone for Newbies: Ringtones, double contacts, periods, and AppleCare originally appeared on The Unofficial Apple Weblog (TUAW) on Mon, 22 Jun 2009 08:00:00 EST. Please see our terms for use of feeds.

Read'|'Permalink'|'Email this'|'Comments

"

(Via Clippings.)

Directory of CIOs on Twitter

Directory of CIOs on Twitter: "

The first step for turning Twitter into a useful business tool is finding a good group of people to follow. You want to find people who share your interests, post minimal chatter, and whose opinions you value. If you are an IT executive then you’re in luck, because an IT leadership consultant named Chris Curran has put together a list of CIOs on Twitter.

Curran’s list is in the form of a dashboard (see below), which isn’t a surprise since his blog is CIOdashboards.com and the topic of building business dashboards for CIOs dominates most of his posts.

Curran has divided up his list CIOs by industry, based on the following 21 industries:

• Construction


• eCommerce


• Education


• Energy & Utilities


• Federal Government


• Financial Services


• Healthcare


• High Tech


• HR Services


• Industry Association


• Insurance


• Legal


• Manufacturing


• Media


• Mining


• Non-Profit


• Restaurant & Hospitality


• Retail & Distribution


• Software


• State & Local Government


• Travel & Transportation

Curran is also looking to add more CIOs to the list, so if you’re a CIO and want to get on the list, just add a comment at the bottom of the post with your information and Twitter handle. Whether you’re an IT leader who is new to Twitter or you’re already established, take a look at this CIO Twitter Dashboard. You will likely find some very good peers worth following.

For more insights on IT leadership and other tech topics, follow my Twitter stream at twitter.com/jasonhiner

"

(Via Tech Sanity Check.)

The 10 most dangerous species of IT manager

Disregard the 'IT' portion of the title, it has nothing to do with it but this is heroically funny!

The 10 most dangerous species of IT manager: "

Having braved the tech wilderness for many years, Jeff Dray has been able to document the 10 most insidious types of IT managers. Find out if you or your manager fits into one of the species he describes.

---

In my travels through the wilds of the information technology field, I have come across many menacing species of IT manager. All are from the genus ‘Procurator’ and are very dangerous in captivity. Some are now on the World Wildlife Federation’s At Risk Register. However, there will certainly be no captive breeding program to preserve them, as most people would be overjoyed if they disappeared from the Earth.

To help classify these dangerous breeds, I’ve created the following list of species and character descriptions of some common types of managers. These types are loosely based on some managers I have worked for over the years. As ever, this classification should be taken with a large pinch of salt.

Note: This article is also available as a PDF download.

1: Procurator Martyrus

Also known as The ‘Anything for the Good of the Company’ Manager

This species has a distinctive cry that sounds like this:

‘Look at me! I worked Christmas day and even when I had cholera. I walked to the office for six weeks after my car crash, even though both my legs were broken. Why can’t you stay another hour each night without pay? I would.’

Yes, the office martyr has finally made it to the top, probably because it’s the only place where he can’t do any harm.

There is a tradition in the British Civil Service of promoting those workers whose incompetence seriously affects the performance of a department. Many such appointees are members of the P. Martyrus group. P. Martyrus is closely related to the next species, Procurator IlligitimusMaximus.

2: Procurator IlligitimusMaximus

Also known as The Mean and Nasty Manager

This manager is of the old school, a right scoundrel. His idea of being a good manager is to be unapproachable or, in his words, ‘hard but fair.’ He is neither. He got his present position by hanging onto the coattails of his manager until retirement, or a nasty accident left the position open. Thankfully, this is now a severely endangered species.

After sacking a member of the team, he might be heard to say, ‘I had to let him go; he wasn’t showing the right level of commitment. He preferred to go to his mother’s funeral rather than come to work. What do they think we’re running here? A holiday camp?’

He will then turn to the shocked and silenced office and shout, ‘Anyone else here got any doubts about their loyalty?’

The problem with IlligitimusMaximus is that one day he will make a mistake himself. When he looks to the team to help him out of his difficulty, they will remember past actions and develop a selective deafness to his pleas. His is a lonely path, and for him there is no safe haven.

3: Procurator Teflonius

Also known as The Nonstick Manager

Former United Kingdom Prime Minister Tony Blair was frequently referred to as ‘Teflon Tony’ because nothing would stick to him. He represented probably the highest evolution of Teflonius ever observed on the planet. Sadly, because of their excellent stealth characteristics, this species is likely to be around in prolific numbers for the foreseeable future.

This species has sloping shoulders from which any blame will easily slide. She will not give a straight answer to a straight question, just in case you might quote her at the court martial. Whenever something goes wrong, she will produce documentary evidence that she was somewhere else at the time. She is more of a nuisance and a waste of salary than a danger, unless you happen to be the victim of one of her decisions. It is always a good idea to make clandestine recordings of any meetings with a P. Teflonius.

4: Procurator Absentia

Also known as The Missing Link, or ‘What Manager?’

They seek him here, they seek him there,

Those workers seek him everywhere.

This manager is critically endangered. When a company is looking to make cuts, they save more money by sacking this type of manager than a front line worker. And as a bonus, they don’t lose as much from the skill base.

Let me give you a real-world example of my encounter with this species: Many years ago, I worked for a pleasant young manager called Tim, who was in charge of two teams, both in different buildings. He would call in to see us — a small team of three people — and tell us that he would be spending the day with the other team, which was having problems. Apparently, we were reliable and could be trusted to get the work done, whereas the others were an incompetent bunch who needed constant supervision.

Imagine our surprise the day we called the other office to speak to him on an urgent matter only to be told that he was with us because we were incompetent and needed to have constant supervision. This was before the days of mobile phones, so the game was up. He was, it seemed, happy to leave both teams and pass his days playing golf. Sorry Tim. If you ever read this, we knew all the time!

5: Procurator Insignia

Also known as The Flashy Brass

This manager has a sign on his desk or office door, a badge or some similar marking of rank. If he thought he could get away with it, he would wear pips on his shoulders or gold bands around his jacket cuffs. He will take outrageous liberties, like instructing a junior member of staff to wash his car or go out to collect his dry cleaning. When you question this, he will point to this mark of office and say the immortal four words: ‘THIS says I can.’

This species is universally ignored by ‘his staff,’ as he likes to call them. As with IlligitimusMaximus, he will receive no help if he screws up. The main difference is that Insignia can be an amusing figure to mock.

6: Procurator Headinsandia

Also known as The ‘I Don’t Want to Hear it’ Manager

Yes, one type from my original list of 10+ dangerous species of help desk callers has made it to this list. Perhaps the help desk caller is, in fact, the manager of the same type. Or maybe the help desk caller mutates into this type of manager when he or she reaches the appropriate level.

P. Headinsandia is probably the manager of a department near you. When the team gives an honest answer to an honest question about the timescale of a project, she will throw up her hands in horror and give the cry that clearly identifies the species. In fairness, this manager takes the cares of the world on her shoulders and worries about them. She lies awake at night fretting about delivering the monthly reports on time. She presents herself as a tough go-getter but is often covering an inadequacy. Be gentle with this species — but most of all, ignore this type of manager. It’s easier that way.

7: Procurator Buzzwordia

Also known as The Buzzword Manager

Often found, after a long search, in deep water wearing the latest Ralph Lauren concrete collection, Buzzwordia manages by use of a string of clichés and ideas he heard at management seminars. Meetings with him are not for the weak-stomached, and it is advisable to keep a bucket handy, just in case.

Think about the last person you heard say:

• ‘There’s no ‘I’ in team.’


• ‘Assume makes an ASS out of U and ME.’


• ‘I can’t spell success without U.’


• ‘I want us to be Proactive, not Reactive.’ (Of course, in this context, ‘Us’ means ‘You.’)

Despite the extreme reaction this species can cause, they are mostly harmless. They are prolific in Northern Europe, returning to breed in sheltered colonies in suburban areas of minor towns. Offspring usually opt not to work in management but may become social workers or violent criminals. When this happens, they are usually deemed to be ‘misunderstood.’

8: Procurator Amicus Potissimus

Also known as The Best Mate

This is a well-padded, red-faced manager, given to back-slapping and calling in favors, even before any are owed. He makes unreasonable demands in the name of friendship and invites you to his children’s birthday parties, although you can’t stand kids unless they have been barbecued.

Amicus Potissimus tends to overuse first names, even when not appropriate. Still, it is quite hard to be rude to them. This species makes you want to slit your throat as they ramble on about the fantastic time they had during their last sales seminar or golf tournament. Although it is clear to anyone around you that you’d rather be boiling in oil, the Best Mate assumes that you share his interests.

9: Procurator Impatiens

Also known as The Two-Minute Manager

This is the type of manager who asks for an update on what has been done during her absence, then abruptly cuts off the answer after two minutes with a cry of, ‘I don’t have time now. I want a report on my desk first thing Monday morning.’ Although she always does this at 5 p.m. on a Friday, there is no need to worry. She will seldom remember that she has asked for it.

She is closely related to P. Headinsandia and likes to give the impression that she is too busy and important to bother with details. She’s good at delegating tasks, mainly because she doesn’t have a clue how to do them herself. P. Impatiens is not a very good person to work for, as your needs will never be recognized or satisfied. The good news is that she’s usually the first to go in a round of downsizing.

10: Procurator Condescendia

Also known as The Patronizing Manager

Nobody can do it quite like P. Condescendia. He was there when they landed on the moon. In fact, he designed and built the entire communications system. He also cabled Canary Wharf using only a pair of pliers, a cotton bud, and a cocktail stick. He won the Paris to Dakar rally in a car he built himself from old beer cans. He caught the biggest fish, had the best golf handicap, and is, of course, a close personal friend of the Managing Director.

We underlings are all very well, but we needed his supreme holiness and guidance to see us through even the simplest task. The trouble is that his intervention nearly always leads to problems. It can be really hard to find hard disk jumpers with the head of Condescendia bobbing in front of the light continually.

The simplest way to deflate this species is to ask, in all innocence, why, if they are so talented, are they working for a tuppenny-ha’penny outfit like yours?

Dangerous manager species in the wild

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(Via 10 Things.)